Love Within

Sharing the story (and hence, part of my story) of one of my paintings from the Bloom True class.  I’m calling this painting “Love Within”.  It’s not quite done, but the last official class lesson was today and the assignment is to share one of our paintings with someone. So, I’m sharing here. 🙂 <3

I lost count of how many layers have gone into this already!  Several early layers are hardly visible, if at all, now.  This canvas/painting, of all the ones I’m working on for that class, has been the one I’ve put the most into.  I’m quite sure some of my tears even made it in mixed with paint when painting on the day that would have been my mom’s 67th birthday! While I have always taken a pretty ‘intuitive’ approach to making art from the heart, this class has really broken my heart wide open, in a wonderful way!  Painting on bigger canvases than I’ve ever used before (actually, I have hardly ever used canvas before… mostly used paper because I wasn’t willing or didn’t feel able to use expensive materials) surely enabled me to paint more freely, with bigger marks and images.  I have fallen in love with Flora’s awesome approach to painting and creating!  Now, I know why I have been almost magnetically drawn to the few paintings of hers that I had seen before this course (in her book)… they have so much depth and mystery!  The Bloom True course has been about so much more than painting on canvas… it has been about the art of brave, intuitive living!  It has been an emotional roller-coaster and I have experienced healing I didn’t even realize I still needed.  I have learned to love myself more and to free myself more.  What a gift!

This particular painting and canvas is infused with so many of the awesome experiences from the course and much of my life story.  At one point, it was very dark and the rainbow in the upper right corner is really all that remains clearly visible from those earlier layers. I added it intuitively while thinking about rainbows after a storm (while crying on my mom’s birthday, I think!) and how my mom danced in the rain/storm, even when fighting for her life.  She faced cancer with such courage.  She really wanted to be here for her children and grandchildren and she was so present with us through her illness, when she could have withdrawn, she chose to LIVE every single day that she had until the end.  I could go on and on about that, but then I’d start crying again so I won’t.

The winged figure kind of appeared on its own.  I wasn’t sure what do at the beginning of a painting session so I just started by outlining the texture that had left the canvas bumpy in an area where I had stamped with feathers early on.  That outlining turned into the wings and the figure just flowed from there.  The figure could certainly represent my angel momma, though that was not consciously intentional.  The figure appeared after the tears the week before missing my mom.  It also appeared after sharing something with the Bloom True tribe/group/class that I had shared with very few people in my life.  I had forgiven the young girl inside me (as best I knew how) that made poor choices in college that led to unfortunate events.  However, I had no idea how healing it would be to share that story and have it lovingly acknowledged by other amazing women.  The figure could also represent that young girl from my past, being forgiven, acknowledged, and set free. Though even before all of that, before the tears missing my mom and before the extreme sharing in the seemingly safe environment of the class, I had a dream that I was giving birth to myself (as shared in an earlier blog post).  I think that dream is what the figure most represents to me, though it certainly embodies all of the mentioned emotions and experiences that I went through while painting.

The teal line across was added immediately after the figure and is a shape that came to me while righting intentions on New Year’s and represents opening wings to fly like a graceful bird.  The phrase, “gliding safely on the winds of change”, had come to me one night when working on a piece for the Life Book class with the same flying bird shape.  That seems an appropriate idea for this painting as well.  The roses were added in the same layer with the teal figures (woman and bird).  I wanted to cover up an area that felt like a critical eye looking out right in front of the figure!  (As can be seen in the photo above before the figure was added)  I’m also quite sure the roses came up as acknowledgement of the ups and downs, joys and heartaches, roses and thorns, of life.  I had a card on my wall in college with this quote and it has influenced my attitude of gratitude for many years.

The bird wings started to look like waves to me.  I’ve been saying throughout my art classes that as much as I’d love to have the talent and ability I witness from many of my classmates in the incredible art they create, that I will try to ride my own wave.  Then the 3 shapes on the lower right corner started to look like a fish tail so I turned it into an awkward fish with an eye.  I was feeling seen and acknowledged and lovingly encouraged after sharing so much with my classmates and I was being a witness to so much of their stories!

The dream catcher sort of evolved in a later painting session on its own from a circle that was already present in prior layer.  I hesitated to listen to my intuition because I’ve seen dream catchers in other people’s art (and made one earlier for a Life Book lesson).  Yet it seemed to be an important part of the story since the figure giving birth to herself (from the vision given in a dream) is now walking into her dreams, with intention and by choice.

The drum came in the most recent layer.  I had a drum in a different canvas since very early on.  I seemed to need to include it to represent my deep hope and intention to be creating genuinely from my own intuition/heartbeat, a concern I’m describing in another blog post.   Before ever starting painting the first canvas for the Bloom True class, I set up the sacred space, as Flora suggested, and included a dream catcher and my muse (that I created last year and love) that represents my desire to be authentic and thrive.

I also brought one of our drums down to the basement so I could play it at the beginning of each session to set my intention and invite the divine to dance with me to my heartbeat. The drum in the painting is based on the shape of the drum I keep with me, painting from a real life object as Flora suggested.  The heart in the drum, made with my thumbprints, is the last thing I’ve added so far, representing my heartbeat.

I think this one is the closest to being finished of any of the several canvases that are currently in progress.  Perhaps another layer or 2 to go before adding the ‘frosting’, as Flora refers to the finishing touches. 🙂  I think the words, “Love Within”, may also be added because that’s the message I’ve heard the painting saying since the pregnant winged figure appeared, pregnant with love.

This class has been, as Flora said she realized, about more than painting, it has been about self-love.  I came back to art as a way to heal my broken heart and process the heartaches of life and find a way to fall in love with life.  I have often said to my husband that creating art is a form of prayer or meditation or reverence for me, as music is for him.  Art is a spiritual practice for me.  I am so grateful to have had this opportunity to learn from Flora Bowley, who is an artist, a healer, and a spiritual guide.

May we all find love within. <3