I'm so excited…

Do you have the song in your head now, too? 😉

Little fireworks have been going off in my head and heart this morning!  This is not the blog post I intended to write next, but this is what is giving me butterflies and making me smile anxiously inside and out, so this is it. 🙂

So many things seem to be finally coming together… (maybe just finally hitting me over the head!) and opening my eyes to ideas and gifts that I already have inside of me.  What an interesting feeling and time!

No, I am NOT expecting!  At first, this was hard to share publicly on instagram, but I put my brave girl boots on again and am being true to myself and focusing less on what others think. I had a dream… I was giving birth to myself! This was just the night before last and yesterday’s bloom true assignment was a self portrait to be shared on instagram… so here I am… pregnant with myself… sticking my belly out as far as I could to represent letting all that is meant to be come forth… strange, perhaps, yes, yet wise, perhaps, too. Taking courage to share this!  Everyday is a birthday… though, it’s not always easy to remember that… this Monday happens to be the marking of my first birthday into this world… maybe that influenced the dream… or maybe it’s all the focus on intentions lately… maybe it was inspired by the touchingly beautiful opening words (on page 9) of chapter one in Tracy Verdugo‘s book, Paint Mojo (click to go to amazon and look inside and search for page 9 for this blessing!), that I bought myself for my birthday (it arrived early and I’ve read this page over and over and haven’t gotten to page 10 yet!), maybe it’s some kind of mystical intuition.  The blurriness was not on purpose, but helped me be brave enough to share and also seemed appropriate for the mysterious aspect of what’s yet to come.

Well, this morning, I woke up and took the little time for setting intentions and affirmations for the day before getting out of bed (a practice that has been suggested from every direction lately, books, classes, etc).  Then, all these ideas and visions just came flooding out!  I grabbed a journal and started writing excitedly trying to capture the bits before they fluttered away again.

Yesterday, I had encouraged a few other people in the Bloom True class to “put their brave girl boots on.”  A few women really liked the statement and we chatted back and forth through comments a bit.  I told them that if I ever have a shoe line, it will be ‘Brave Girl’ boots and every pair would say ‘brave’ or ‘brave girl’ somewhere on them.  This has been on my mind for nearly a year now!  I don’t even recall what first got me started with the saying, but it is something I’ve repeated to myself several times over the past year (here on the blog as well).  I made the card above based on the mixed-media boot (life size) I made for myself as a reminder and also made one (below) as a gift for a young girl about to have spinal surgery to acknowledge how brave she was.

I have a few pairs of real boots that I refer to as my brave girl boots.  I’ve wondered how I could start a real shoe line (how to get connections and finances!).  Well, it finally hit me that this could be my very first mini e-course!  Making your own brave girl boots with 2 options: altered real pair or mixed-media boot.  Of course, the critic can sneak in and say why would anyone pay you to learn that when they can just make their own.  Well, those people can and will just make their own (or not).  This will be for those that want to learn the techniques I use and want the encouragement and energy I put into the course as well.  I even had the big vision that this could be a featured life book lesson!  This realization opened the flood gates to many more ideas, and to my sweet surprise, I’ve already done some of the projects in the past and just need to turn them into e-courses (which will, admittedly, be quite a bit of work, especially considering I’ve never made one before!).

I listened to an interview with someone that makes e-courses earlier this month and she asked at the end, ‘so what’s stopping you?’  For me, the answer was screaming, “Hello, honey, I have no ideas!  What in the world could I offer of worth (that people would actually pay for or even bother with if it was free)?”  Today, I am so very thankful to have ideas and to realize some of them have been in me for a while already, such as the affirmation mirrors I call ‘reflective realizations’ (here’s another mini e-course in the making!).

I struggle to try not to copy anyone else in my art (except when specifically for a class to learn a technique without claiming it as my own) and to be true to myself and to find and hear my own voice (in harmony with the divine that is in all of us in some unique way).  So, realizing that some of these ideas and projects were first done before taking any of these classes helps me feel good about being the one to share them.  Many of the other ideas surely have been influenced by the lovely guides from classes (such as Flora from Bloom True, Tamara LaPorte and many others through Life Book 2015, and Alena Hennessy from A Year of Painting – these awesome classes are what I had intended to blog about next!) and that’s okay, too.  I want to also collaborate with others and find ways to dance together with our creativity.

Perhaps, the acknowledgement of ‘giving birth to myself’ has finally put these ideas and energies together in a way that brought clarity to this vision.  Maybe it’s the fact that the universe enabled me to take two awesome classes with Flora and Alena‘s generous help, seemingly in response to my saying, “Yes, I am ready to face fears and make commitments and take action and grow and change!  Bring it on!”  Yes, I have actually taken the time to “call the circle” of the kind of people I want in my life and feelings I want to experience.  These are life artists, as we all are and need to realize/imagine.  Perhaps, it’s the harmonizing of all the influences, studying, and activity coming together.  After all, I’ve been ‘finding’ myself or giving birth to myself for almost 40 years now. 😉  I’m a sucker for self-improvement and spiritual books (have been for ages).  My mind has often felt like utter chaos and like there are too many personalities and ideas and wishes and wonderings going around in there (I have had trouble sleeping as a result and I try to meditate; quieting the mind has been challenging!).  My house has been full of ‘clutter,’ as my husband would say, though I see collections and inspiration, mostly.  My art has had no distinguishing bit to say, “oh, that must have been done by her”.  [I have intentionally turned most of those into past tense statements as part of the practice of re-creating my story.  All of this has been part of bringing me to this moment.]  I love to explore and play and experiment.  The librarians have commented on the diversity of book choices I check out.  I’m so often seeking… beauty, wisdom, inspiration, connection, understanding… or maybe ‘wondering’ would be a better term.  It feels so good to actually realize that I do indeed have something of worth inside me to share as a guide, in addition to finished art.  The two things I always felt somehow called to do (in addition to nurturing as a mom), teaching/guiding and creating, are coming together.

So, I’m putting my brave girl boots on, again, and beginning work on the ‘Brave girl boots’ e-course (I’ve got some learning and experimenting to do myself to do this!). 🙂  This can be a great course for all ages, young girls, tweens, and teens just starting to navigate this big world and trying to hear their own true selves among all the many voices, as well as women like me that want to be brave examples to our kids and women that have subtle whispers calling to them. Of course, the boots could be for brave boys, too. 😉  I think this will be one in a series of mini e-courses that will eventually make up a bigger “Self Birth” course!  Following my dreams, quite literally this time.

Also, huge thanks to my online friend, Iris from Iris Impressions that has been a huge inspiration.  I’ve actually watched her grow and create e-courses and help me think that I can do this, too!  So grateful that the ideas and inspiration are flowing!  So grateful to be letting a loving light shine in and through me!  Now, I need to go find some boots to alter. 🙂  And hit publish before I lose the courage to share this!

Let’s all put our brave girl (or boy) boots on! 🙂 <3