While reading an art journaling magazine last night (full of beautiful pages by other people), I found myself thinking about my scrapbooking experience. I confess that I fell in love with the “idea” of scrapbooking. I had even made photo albums/books as a teen that might qualify as “scrapbooks”. I received an amazing scrapbook as a gift at my baby shower, but it nearly paralyzed me with its perfection. Then, I subscribed to a scrapbooking magazine. I adored the eye candy inside! Yet, I was intimidated by the seemingly perfect pages and still didn’t make time to scrapbook myself. Granted, I was a new mother with twins!
Eventually, I added pictures to the book that was made as a gift, which required some re-arranging due to the unexpected order of “first” holidays since my boys were born 3 months early. It also forced me to decide how to handle the “first” Thanksgiving/Christmas/New Year/Valentine’s Days, since all of them were spent in the NICU (Neonatal Intensive Care Unit), along with the first time holding them with cords attached a month after they were “born” (actually taken out of an incision and resuscitated before being attached to monitors and respirators and IV’s to finish developing outside of my womb in a hospital isolette), first time feeding them with a feeding tube, first smile while incubated, etc. Obviously, this was not the new mother experience I had imagined or heard about. Perhaps, that was part of the reason it took me so long to add photos to the gift album… and perhaps, it’s because I was only adding photos to someone else’s beautiful pages that were neat and tidy, which is not at all my personality, nor reflective of my chaotic life!
Aha! Maybe my fascination with scrapbook magazines and materials, which I confess to buying and setting aside for years untouched, was the beginning of figuring out what kind of art I was drawn to and eventually wanted to make. I also confess to being a pro at procrastination! I loved looking through the magazines and dog-earred several pages with techniques to try and topics to address… someday. Yet, I didn’t finally make a scrapbook of my own until quite a bit later when my friend, Michelle, helped me get past the need to be perfect, “the gap” as Ira Glass calls it. Here’s another confession, I take tons of pictures and felt overwhelmed with the need to scrapbook them all. I suppose I prefer making the memories!
So, after that first little scrapbook made with my friend, I turned to digital photobooks instead for a while (even though I do not prefer to spend time in front of a computer screen). I found that I could create one book, without investing in lots of supplies (nevermind all the ones I had already purchased and set aside in a drawer or box in the closet or somewhere!), and then, order several copies for myself, my kids, and family. I did this for both of my parents’ 60th birthdays and several family trips for a while. This served my need to document major life events, holidays, and even some of the everyday moments.
However, I still felt drawn to the art stores and kept thinking that someday I would be a “real scrapbooker”. But, I had an issue with all the archival warnings and rules. I wanted to “scrapbook” the way I had as a kid and teenager. I saved all the yummy little reminders from my days, which were usually NOT archival, with thoughts that I would someday get around to scrapbooking (and figuring out how to use an archival spray). And yes, I confess, that I still have boxes full of stuff I’ve saved waiting for that day.
Thankfully, I had toddlers that were starting to scribble and talk and draw and communicate! I started playing with crayons and watercolors and finger paint with my boys – for the first time since elementary school – and my heart burst free! With this excuse to play and create with my kids, I threw the rules out the window and started making scrapbooks with them. I considered this part of our homeschool “preschool” and I am extremely grateful this path was an option. One thing led to another and I’ve dug out some of those scrapbooking supplies and learned about many more art supplies and I’ve remembered how much I loved to create before it was graded (first, by teachers, and later, by my own inner critic). Hallelujah!
PS – I confess that I still don’t really “scrapbook” the way the term has come to define it. I’ve realized that I have little desire to chronologically document in quite that way. Though, I still love photography and storytelling, my scrapbooking magazine subscription has been replaced with an addiction to art books of all sorts (from Northlight, Quarry and other publishers) along with several art blogs and groups! And yes, I sometimes fall into the same habit of planning projects for someday and feeling inadequate compared to all the awesome creations I see. Then, I remember how much I love to play with paint and glue and all the “junk” (treasures to me) that I collect on this crazy journey called life.
PPS – I confess that I struggle to continue to create without concern about a “grade” since deciding to offer art for sale and sharing online. How many sales/likes equal an “A”? Way more than I have achieved to date. Thankfully, I love creating art from and for the inside, even if I appear to be getting a failing grade from the outside. This reminds me of a quote by Sir Winston Churchill that I read a few days ago: “Success consists of going from failure to failure without loss of enthusiasm.”
PPPS – Thankfully, those extremely premature babies are now thriving! {And willful as ever! 😉 }
Peace be with you.
Great blog post julia! Oh how i empathise with you, as my son was also born three months premature, and you are right, for me its when i hear either pregnant mums talking about their pregnancy (mine was spent the whole time in hospital being drip fed) or about their new borns, and i cant join in the conversation! (he is 14 now and thriving btw!!) i also empathise with your procrastination over using supplies!!!
It amazes (and saddens somewhat) me how many have actually had a similar experience. Too many babes being born so early! I still join the conversations you mention sometimes, but I can often feel the discomfort it causes others. I understand… I never imagined that it would be such a blessing to have a cordless baby! Both of my boys came home on oxygen and monitors so we kind of brought the hospital home with us for a while. So very grateful that time is past and they do not have the feared brain damage from early bleeding in brain, etc, etc!
I could relate so well…I have enough scrapbook supplies to open a store. I have done a few scrapbooks but then perfectionism would scream in… Lol
Tou chez!
wait, I think it’s “tu chez”… I shouldn’t attempt languages I don’t really know! 😉 Anyway… I’m with you. 🙂
I think it can sometimes be really hard to reconcile our picture or imagination of what things ‘should be’, and what things actually are. The birth of my first was so totally not how I wanted it to be (I wanted a drug free home birth and instead i got a hospital induction!) and making that part of my real story, rather than feeling like it should have been different.. that’s difficult. I think that’s where I find it difficult to do scrapbooking in the sense of the word where you have these perfect pristine pages. I love the neatness and stuff, but it’s not something I can do myself, probably because my life feels way more messy than that! I love the idea of keeping the important tidbits from life (ticket stubs, photos, other imagery etc) and incorporating them into personal pages though. It’s a shame that scrapbooking has this reputation for needing to be the height of perfection and design. Doing it with feeling is so much more valuable. Thanks for sharing those beautifully personal pictures!
You are so right that we have to go through a process of dealing with the difference in our expectations versus happenings! I kind of had to grieve the birth process I imagined and would never have (since both of my children were born at the same time and I was not conscious for their birth) and all the firsts, etc that were so different. Thankfully, I no longer dwell on it (most of the time… though when I hear birth stories, I still sometimes wish I had actually been present/awake to see my kids born… I have never been present to witness a baby’s birth), and I am extremely grateful that my boys are healthy now and you’d never know they were only 2.5 pounds each (which was actually considered big for how far along I was)! And I agree about the reputation/personality that scrapbooking has seemed to take on in past several years… by its very name it should be about scraps! Thankfully, it seems that more and more people are choosing to do some form of it anyway, on our own terms, whether with photos/albums/journals/whatever. 🙂
Great blog post! I love scraps, started saving them when my God daughter was born (12 years ago)….haven’t started “the book” yet…she’s 12. At least I have until her high school graduation 🙂 I doubt they will be in chronological order either!
Yep, I have decided to just do random pages as inspired to do so and in whatever order that happens for my family/kids/self. 🙂
Thanks for sharing your personal story with us. Lovely to see your little miracles as they are now. I spent most of my pregnancy in hospital and my daughter was a month early, she is now 23. Scrapbooking is something I never had an interest in, but supplies and procrastination I have 5* in.
Thanks for taking the time to read and comment. It is so touching to be connecting with others and sharing stories and building bridges instead of wearing masks. Do you know what I mean?
The reason why I have so many mixed media supplies is thanks to my lack of motivation on scrapbooking and my love of buying scrapbooking supplies. I only ever finished one scrapbook for my half-brother as a birthday gift. I can totally relate to this post… especially since I too had a preemie who was early (3 months early). He’ll be 23 in a few months and is 6 ft. tall. Quite big for a baby who was only 3 lbs. 12 oz. at birth!
Wow! Your son was actually quite big from being so early! They said mine were big for the timing and they were only 2.5 pounds each!
Thanks for sharing this! I was fortunate that my son wasn’t a preemie, he was late actually. So I ended up in hospital too in the end. He is a healthy boy of 15 now and we often say to eachother how happy that makes us. I know my bit about perfectionism and procrastination. You are not alone. But most of all – I feel for your personal art style – I am not about tidy and perfect scrapbooks (or tidy rooms or tidy drawings either). I love messy, passionate art. I love even disturbing art. The point is: you just make YOUR art YOUR way. It’s fine!
Yes! That is exactly what I am finally learning and keep reminding myself about making art… our art, whatever that may be! 🙂
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A+!